Artemis Fowl: The Seventh Hour
by hollybridgetpeppermint
Summary: The idea for this fic was actually my friend's, but I'm writing it, so I guess it's a joint effort. Summary: Old enemies…new enemies…kidnappings…and seven hours for a complicated rescue. What will Artemis do?
1. Chapter 1: Rage and Recall

**Chapter 1: Rage and Recall**

**Fowl Manor; seven hours left**

Artemis was lounging on his bed and thinking. He was thinking about his latest plan for money. _All right, so if I_—

Just then the phone rang. Artemis stood up lazily, walked over to his desk, and picked it up.

"Hello?" he said.

"Fowl?" asked a voice. It sounded female, and strangely familiar.

"Who is this?" asked Artemis cautiously.

"You don't need to know that. All you need to know is this: you have seven hours."

"Seven hours for what?"

"To rescue her."

_Who's_ '_her'_? Artemis wondered. But the voice was speaking again.

"Remember, Fowl, seven hours to rescue your little girlfriend. Otherwise she dies."

There was a click as the person on the other end hung up. Artemis sat back on his bed, astonished. _My girlfriend? I don't have a girlfriend. And why should whoever this person is talking about die? And if they thought I wanted to rescue her, why should they give me seven hours? _He wondered about all this as he slowly got up and went to his computer. He sat in his desk chair. He shouldn't care if anyone he didn't even know died. He was, after all, Artemis Fowl the Second. He didn't have time for everyone else's woes. But then why did this incident tug a little at his heart, as though he did indeed know the person and… _That's preposterous_, he chided himself. _I have never liked a girl in my life. _He shook the thoughts out of his head entirely and went downstairs for lunch.

**LEP Headquarters**

"Captain Short! Report to my office, imme—WHERE IS SHE!"

"I don't know," said Foaly worriedly. "She should be in her office."

"I know that! Do I look like I don't know that?"

"Er, no sir. I was just sort of stating the facts."

"Whatever! We have to find her," Root growled. He began pacing the room. "Contact her house to see if she's there for some reason. If she's not, then send out Retrieval to locate her."

"Okay, Julius. I wonder…"

"Foaly," said Root calmly. "WHAT IS IT NOW! AND DON'T CALL ME JULIUS!"

"Nothing." He grinned. "Sorry, Julius."

Root made a noise of disgust, opened his mouth, then shut it and stalked out, slamming the door behind him.

**Fowl Manor**

Artemis was musing on his earlier phone call. That voice had sounded female, but so…_familiar_. And so evil. Almost as evil as he had been before he met the fairies—_Wait. Why did I just think that? Everyone knows there are no such things as fairies. _He sat down on his bed, confused. So many things had been strange lately…

He was interrupted from his reverie by his computer beginning to flash. He looked at it in surprise. He hadn't set it to do that, and no one—_no one_—had ever hacked into his computer system before. _Hmmm…I wonder what's wrong with it. _He went over to it, but just then it stopped flashing. Two people appeared on the screen. One of them had a very red face, and the other looked reasonably normal. Artemis started. He knew he had seen these people before somewhere, but he couldn't remember it.

The one with the tomato-colored face spoke. "Get ON with it, Foaly!"

"Uh…right," said the normal one. "Fowl. You probably don't remember us. However, we need to bring your memories back. We need your help."

Artemis was shocked. How did these people know his name? Nevertheless, he remained cool and collected on the outside, as usual.

"I certainly don't remember you," he said icily. "In fact, I do not believe I have ever set eyes on you before, and I would like to know two things: one, how did you hack into my computer system, and two, why are you telling me all this?"

"Listen, Fowl," said the red-faced one. He seemed to be going purple. "We don't have time for this. If…"

"Your computer system was easy enough to hack into," interrupted the other. "But of course you would expect that, except that you don't remember that I ever did it before."

"So let's _make_ him remember it!" snarled the one who seemed to be the boss. "That's what we're here for! Remember, Foaly?"

"Oh…right. Well, let's get on with it. Fowl, we're going to do a couple things which should hopefully make you remember. First, listen to these words: LEP, fairy, Commander Root, Foaly, Holly Short, Trouble Kelp, Retrieval, Lower Elements, goblin, pixie, sprite, Opal Koboi, Briar Cudgeon, mind wipe, Jon Spiro, Mulch Diggums."

Artemis looked at him, eyebrows raised. "None of those words means a thing to me." Not strictly true, of course. Quite a few of those words had given him a painful start in the back of his mind, but he wasn't about to show or say that to a couple of strangers.

The normal-looking one looked slightly concerned. "Okay. Um…let's move on to pictures." He pulled out a pile of papers and held up the first one. "Nod your head if it means something, shake if it doesn't." The first picture was of the Spiro Needle. Artemis shook his head. Foaly grabbed another picture, of Koboi Labs this time. Artemis shook again. This went on for some time, with Artemis continuing to shake his head every time. Finally, Foaly got to the last picture. "If this doesn't do it, I don't know what to do. At least I'll know that my technology works," he added wryly. "Anyway, here goes nothing." He held up the picture of Holly. Artemis started to shake his head, then suddenly stopped. He looked again at the picture. Auburn hair, hazel eyes. Hazel eyes he _knew_. Artemis closed his eyes, suddenly caught in a rush of memories—feelings, sights, sounds. His face was a mask of pain. Then he opened his eyes. "I…I remember you. Foaly. Commander." He looked suddenly afraid. "Where's Hol—Captain Short?"

"Er…that's what we needed your help for," said Foaly.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean…well, see…Holly's gone missing."

"Gone missing?" Artemis echoed dumbly. His voice sounded not at all like usual—it was hollow and hoarse. _Just when I recover from the mindwipe and figure out that I like her, she's gone missing_, he thought to himself.

"Figures."

"What figures?" asked Foaly, confused, and Artemis realized he'd said it out loud.

"Um...figures that just when I come back from the mindwipe and am able to say hello to old friends, one of them has gone missing," he answered quickly. His face had gone red, however, and Foaly grinned.

"I knew it," he whispered to Root.

"What, donkey?" asked the commander, turning to Foaly. "What did you know?"

Foaly looked at Artemis with a sly expression on his face. "Look at Fowl's face," he told a confused Root, still whispering. Root did as instructed, but still didn't get it.

"I still don't get it," he told Foaly. Foaly sighed.

"Nevermind, tell you later," he said.

The commander looked at Foaly curiously, but at the expression on Foaly's face, he subsided. "Okay. Anyway, Fowl, we need you to help rescue Holly," he told Artemis, who had, the whole time, been berating himself inwardly for letting his face get hot. When he still didn't answer, apparently not paying attention, Root tried again to get his attention. "Fowl..." No response. "Fowl. Fowl! FOWL!" Artemis jumped and tried to look as if he had heard Root the first time. He had no such luck, however, and only managed to look as though he was trying to look as though he had heard the first time, which didn't help him any. He finally gave it up and settled for putting on his usual calm mask—or trying, anyway. He had been pretty shaken by being told that Holly was gone, and was having a hard time keeping his face normal, despite all the self-control he had. "What?" he asked.

"Fowl," Commander Root told him. "I need you to get Butler and come down here. Much as I hate to admit it, you're probably the only one who can get us out of this. Or more accurately, get Captain Short out of this."

Artemis didn't answer. He had just realized something, and he had gone even paler than he usually was.

"That's what that phone call was!"

"What?" asked Root, bewildered.

"Oh, sorry. I got a phone call a short while before you hacked into my computer system. In it, someone told me that she was missing. Of course, I didn't know that I knew her then, and it puzzled me. I was thinking about it when you—er, arrived."

"Oh!" Foaly said. "We need to know all about it. Who was it?"

"Can't this wait until he gets down here?" asked Root.

"What?" said Artemis. The commander turned purple again.

"WEREN'T YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME! I TOLD YOU YOU WERE COMING DOWN HERE!"

Foaly looked at Root. "Now, Julius..."

"DON'T CALL ME JULIUS, CIVILIAN!"  
"Ummm...Fowl, that actually might be a good idea."

"All right. I'll bring Butler, shall I?"

Root was still raging. When he heard that, he turned furiously on Artemis again. "I TOLD YOU THAT, TOO! DON'T YOU HAVE EARS! OR ARE YOU DEAF, LIKE THE REST OF THE MUD MEN OUT THERE!"

"Julius, don't you think that's a little harsh? Yes, Fowl, bring Butler. Juliet, too, if you want. The more, the merrier."

"Will do," said Artemis, and left the room, trusting Foaly to shut off the connection. Foaly was still trying to pacify the commander. "FOWL!"

Artemis stuck his head back in. "Yes?"

"HURRY UP!"

"All right, but keep in mind, it will take a while. Butler and Juliet still don't have their memories back yet, so I still have to restore them."

"WELL, HURRY ANYWAY!"

"I will hurry," said Artemis, and quickly shut the door, leaving Root still yelling at Foaly.

"DONKEY, I AM NOT TOO HARSH WITH HIM! HE IS A CRIMINAL MUD MAN!"

"But he's helped us so much, Julius..."

"TOO BAD! HE'S STILL A CRIMINAL! AND DON'T CALL ME JULIUS, HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU!"

"But he has helped us! And he's about to help us rescue Holly!"

"DONKEY..."

Artemis sighed and walked down the stairs to go give Butler and Juliet their memories back.

Chapter Two

**LEP Headquarters, Haven City; six hours left**

When they got down to Haven, Foaly had successfully calmed the commander down, so they got right to business.

"Okay, so tell us about this phone call," said Foaly.

"Well..." Artemis started, but Root interrupted him.

"Just a minute. Do we really need to know about a phone call placed to the Mud Boy?"

"Yes," said Foaly at once. "Weren't _you_ listening, Julius?"

Commander Root glared at him. "Don't call me Julius!"

Foaly smirked. "Yes, sir. But seriously—weren't you listening? Or are _you_ as deaf as all the Mud Men out there?"

"FOALY..."

"Now, Commander," Artemis interrupted hastily. "Let's not start a fight when we most need unity."

"All right," said Commander Root grudgingly.

"So were you listening?" asked Foaly.

"Yes."

"Somehow, I don't think you were. If you had been, you'd have heard that the caller mentioned Holly's kidnapping."

"All right already! Let's get on with it!"

"Why didn't you just say so?" Foaly muttered, but he got on with it. "Okay, Fowl. What exactly did this caller say?"

"If I remember correctly, they said we had seven hours to rescue Hol—Captain Short." He hesitated, and considered telling them the voice had called her his girlfriend, but decided against it. "They sounded female, and..." He broke off with a gasp.

"WHAT, Mud Boy?" said Root, beginning to turn red again.

"I know who it was now," said Artemis, his eyes wide. "Since the person called before you two did, I didn't have my memories back, and didn't recognize the voice. But now..."

"Now what?"

"Well...I think...I think it was Opal Koboi."

Foaly gasped, and Root's face lost its red color and turned pale instead.

"Opal Koboi?" said Foaly. "That's...that's impossible. Koboi is sitting safely in a cell right now."

The commander, whose mouth had dropped open, closed it with some difficulty and turned to Foaly. "No, remember? She escaped recently. I can't believe we didn't even check it out. We were busy, but..." He trailed off into a horrified silence.

"Well," said Artemis, "the best thing we can do is to track her. I assume there is some way to do that."

Butler, who had been sitting in a corner with Juliet, silently listening to the conversation, now broke in. "Yes, we need to track her. If you don't have a way, I can think of several."

"Yeah, that's easy," piped up Juliet.

"No," said Foaly. "I can do it, easy as ABC."

"Then get on it, donkey," growled Root. Foaly got on it. He went over to the computer and quickly logged on. Then, fingers flying over the keyboard, he explained to the humans what he was doing. Commander Root, who had heard this lecture many times, tuned it out.

"Each prisoner in the jail has what's called a sleeper-seeker in their upper arm. With it, I can track them, and then I can press a button and put them to sleep."

"Interesting," said Artemis. "So I assume it contains a sedative within, which..."

He was interrupted by Root, who was getting impatient. "Hurry up, donkey."

"Okay," said Foaly, looking a little miffed. "I just have to push the button now."

"So push it, before I push it with your face!"

"Remember what happened the last time you said that."

"What do you mean?"  
"Well, let's see. I wanted you to apologize, you told me you had already used your apologies for the day, it turned out you had apologized to Cudgeon, who turned out to be a traitor."

"Fine. Just push the button."

Foaly pushed it. And pushed it again. And again.

"What's wrong, donkey?" asked the commander.

"It's not doing anything," said Foaly worriedly.

"How can you tell?"

"If it was, it would be emitting a beep right about now. That means that the target has gone to sleep."

"Oh, right," said Root, a little sheepishly. He quickly recovered his "Commander You-Better-Listen-To-Me-Or-Else" manner, though. "So, donkey boy, what now?"  
"Well," Foaly told him, "it looks like we're going to have to do this the old-fashioned way."

"What old-fashioned way?"

"We're going to have to go over there and knock her out with our Neutrinos."

Root was speechless. Artemis, however, was not. Of course.

"All right. Well...we need a plan. I can give us one. Just give me a moment."

**Five hours left**

"Here's how it's going to work."

Artemis was sitting in the office again. He had gone off for a long time, meditating, while outside, Butler, Juliet, and Foaly tried to keep Root from having a heart attack ("HURRY UP, FOWL! I WILL NOT BE SLOWED DOWN BY SOME SILLY MUD BOY! WE NEED TO HURRY! WE ONLY HAVE SEVEN HOURS!").

Now that Root had finally calmed down, Artemis was explaining the plan to everyone else.

"The plan is simple. We locate Koboi. We use fairy technology to determine whether she has any outside guards..." Here he broke off. "I assume we can do that?"

"Yes," Foaly answered quickly. "Go on."

Artemis opened his mouth, but before he could respond, Root broke in.

"Wait a minute, donkey. What if they're under cam-foil?"

Foaly grinned. "I have a new invention that will sense anything, even if it is under cam-foil, or any other way they might have to hide. The Detector will take care of everything, don't you worry."

Root snorted. "The Detector. Creative name."

Foaly looked at him, annoyed. "I'm too busy inventing to think of creative names, Julius. You know that. Besides, my names are better than the Mud Men's. Theirs are plain trash."

Artemis turned to Foaly. "Thank you."

Foaly grinned. "You're welcome. No offense meant."

"All right, break up the party," said the commander. "Get back to the plan."

"All right. As I was saying, we use fairy technolgy to determine whether Koboi has any outside guards. If so, we get rid of them. Then we go in, stun her, and get Holly."

"And what about Opal?" asked Foaly.

"If you'd let me finish telling you, you wouldn't have had to ask that question. We take her and put her in a top-security cell."

"Good," Root said. "One problem though..."

"What?"

"We had her in a top-security cell before she escaped."

"Hmmm..." said Artemis slowly. He hesitated, then spoke again. "There...is another way. But it would be dangerous, and..."

"And what?" Foaly turned to Artemis with a worried expression on his face. "And what, Fowl?"

"And...just dangerous. Very dangerous."

"SPIT IT OUT ALREADY!" yelled the commander. "I'M LOSING PATIENCE!"

"All right...she can come to Fowl Manor." Seeing the looks on their faces, he quickly continued talking before they could protest. "I know it's not ideal, but the manor has better security than any top-security cell I've ever seen. My parents won't find her because they're in America, taking a trip. And...well, it's the only other way, unless any of you can think of anything better."

"But—but you might all be killed!" said Foaly.

"Absolutely. I can't allow it," broke in Butler, looking at Artemis sternly. "If once she broke past our defenses..."

"I know," said Artemis. "But it's the only way."

They looked at each other, then, one by one, agreed.

"I suppose," Butler muttered. "But I still don't like the idea of that...that monster in our house."

"Yeah," Juliet piped up. "But Artemis is right. It is the only way."

"You're right," the commander conceded.

"Yes," Foaly told them. "He's right. I just hope..."

He didn't finish the sentence. But they all knew what he had been going to say anyway.


	2. Chapter 2: Agelia and Arguments

**Chapter 2: Agelia and Arguments**

**Haven City, four hours left**

Another hour had passed, and everyone was getting worried about the time, which made them even touchier than they'd normally be.

"At least we're ready now," Butler commented, as they were boarding the ship.

"Whatever," said Root.

"Well, think about it," Juliet piped up. "We still have four whole hours. What could go wrong?"

"A lot of things, little Miss Know-it-all," Root snapped, putting down his equipment and looking at her furiously. "Four hours isn't a lot of time in this business, no matter how much time it may seem to _inexperienced_ people."

"Thanks a lot!" she said indignantly. "Four hours is a lot of time! By my calculations, it will take only two of those to get where we're going, and..."

"Two hours isn't nearly enough! When you factor in the getting in the ship, getting out of the ship, loading and unloading the equipment, plus add fifteen minutes for delays, it will take more like three hours! And fifteen minutes is the minimum! For all we know, any delay could use up the whole four hours!"

"Hey, calm down," said Butler. "We don't have time for fighting now. You both should know that."

"Whatever," the two chorused, and glared at each other.

Foaly stuck his head out of the ship. "You sound like Holly and Artemis."

"Yeah, right!" said Juliet. "I happen to know that we don't sound a thing like..."

"...absolutely not!" roared the commander. "We don't sound anything alike, and if you think we do, you can just leave now, because I'm not having someone..."

Foaly sighed. "So much for that," he muttered. "He just _won't_ realize it, will he? Although, to be honest, I wonder if Fowl realizes it himself?"

"Realizes what?" said Artemis from behind him. Foaly jumped.

"Uh...nothing," he said quickly. "Come on, I think I've located her exact spot."

His sensors had located Opal in a part of a country called Agelia, a secluded place much like Hawaii, with beaches, oceans and palm trees. The pixie was in a city called Don'tyoudareeventhinkaboutputtingjamonyourturtle (the people of Agelia didn't speak English; if you put a bunch of monkeys, or, in this case, people who don't speak English, in front of a bunch of typewriters (although here it would be more like high-tech word processors), you'd be surprised what they will come up with.

"Here," said Foaly, stepping over a bunch of wires and leading Artemis to a computer station in the ship. A green light was flashing, and there was a gentle beeping emanating from the speakers. "It means it's found something. See?"

Artemis studied the map on the screen. "Don'tyoudareeventhinkaboutputtingjamonyourturtle?"

"Yes, that's the name of the city."

"Rather...interesting, isn't it?"

"Yeah, well...the people of this country don't speak English."

"Agelia," said Artemis, frowning. "I don't recall ever hearing of that place."

"It's a very remote country," said Foaly. "Which is kind of lucky. It would be harder to find Opal in a big place."

"True."

"So, anyway," resumed Foaly, "all we have to do is..."

He was interrupted by a door opening. Root, Butler, and Juliet joined them, Juliet and Root still glaring at each other.

"What are you talking about?" said Root. "Have you found where she is yet?"

"Yes," said Foaly. "I was just showing the Mud Boy what I've figured out."

"Well, show us!" said the commander.

"But I..."

"Show us, donkey!" Root's face began to turn red.

Normally Foaly would have tried to annoy the commander as much as possible, but today he couldn't. They didn't have time if they wanted to rescue Holly.

"Okay, whatever," he said. But this noble sentiment didn't last enough to keep him from muttering, "I don't want to start over. I was almost done!"

He touched the screen, which now showed a map of the world. It zoomed in to show Agelia. "Okay," he said. "We know she's here, in Agelia. Then I traced her even further. Now we know what city she's in as well." He touched the screen again. It zoomed to show the dot that represented the city.

"Why isn't the place labeled?" asked Butler.

"The name's too long," said Foaly.

"Oh, boy," Butler said. "What is it?"

"Don'tyoudareeventhinkaboutputtingjamonyourturtle."

"Don'tyoudareeventhinkaboutputtingjamonyourturtle?" said Root. "What's that, some kind of club? A strange name for a club, though."

"No, Julius," said Foaly. "It's the name of the city she's in."

"Don't call me Julius!"

"Fine, whatever. It's the name of the city she's in, _sir_."

Root didn't notice the sarcasm in the 'sir'. "Thank you. Now, then...how can anyone name a city Don'tyoudareputjamonyourturtle!"

"It's Don'tyoudare_eventhinkabout_puttingjamonyourturtle."

"Whatever. How can anyone name a city that?"

"Well, they don't speak English," Artemis put in.

"That still doesn't explain it," said Root.

"Oh, whatever!" Foaly said. "Does it really matter what it's named?"

"I guess not," said the commander.

"Okay, then! Let's get on with it!" Juliet said loudly.

"Yes," Artemis agreed. "If we're going to rescue Holly before the seven hours are up, then we need to hurry."

"Okay. So all we really need to do is fly out to Agelia, preferably on a human airplane, and..."

"Why? Shuttles are better," argued Root.

"_Because_," explained Foaly not-so-patiently, "our shuttles would attract attention. Besides, they aren't built to fly aboveground."

"Well then, why don't we take the chutes? In the shuttle, I mean. Why do we have to travel aboveground?"

"Because there _is_ no chute to Agelia. The closest one is ten thousand klicks away, and _some_ of us can't use the wings as well as others. Besides, who's going to let humans use wings anyway?"

"Now wait just a minute..." said Juliet. "Are you telling me that even though we've actually agreed to help you with this, we still don't get to choose the fastest way of travel?"

"Don't blame me, blame the Council," said Foaly. "I checked up with them several times while Mud Boy here was thinking. I practically _begged_ them, but they wouldn't let you use the wings."

"Fine."

"Okay, then," said Artemis exasperatedly. "We have this straightened out. Can we _please_ go on to the next thing!"

"Whoa, Mud Boy," said Root. "What's the matter with you? I've never seen you this tense before."

"Nothing," muttered Artemis, kicking himself inwardly. "There's nothing wrong. I'm just...tense, okay? This is a pretty important mission anyway, isn't it?"

Foaly smirked, and Butler and Juliet exchanged worried glances. Root just looked puzzled.

"Okay then," said Foaly, once he had wiped the smirk off his face (mostly). "So as I was saying, all we have to do is borrow a human airplane, fly across to Agelia, and land a little ways away from Don'tyoudareeventhinkaboutputtingjamonyourturtle. Then we'll sneak up on her and execute plan A, which..."

"And plan A is...?" said Root.

"Will you STOP INTERRUPTING!" shouted Foaly. Butler and Juliet tried hard to keep from snickering. Usually Foaly annoyed Root. But now, for some odd reason, it was the other way around.

"DO YOU WANT TO BE FIRED, DONKEY BOY!"

"NO! BUT YOU'D BETTER LISTEN, OR I JUST MIGHT QUIT!"

"Will you both STOP IT!" yelled a new voice. Everyone turned to look at Artemis, apparently the source of the voice. Butler and Juliet stared. They had NEVER heard Artemis raise his voice before.

Under the eyes of everyone in the room, Artemis cringed a little, but kept going with what he'd planned to say. "Listen. I know you're all tired and frustrated. Everyone here is. But we really can't afford to have disunity right now. It..."

"Will you quit bossing us around, Mud Boy!" shouted Root.

"No, listen," said Artemis quietly. His voice had a strange hypnotic quality in it now, which held even Root spellbound. "You have told us before that Holly is one of your best officers. If she really is, now is the time to help her. Butler, Holly has saved me before. You know that as well as I do. She has also saved you. This is the time to repay that debt. Juliet. You are a good friend of Holly. Now she needs your help. And Foaly, you are also her friend. I say the same to you, to all of us. _She needs our help._ We have to save her. Are we going to argue? Then the price will be Holly's life."

There was dead silence for a moment. Then, slowly, everyone came to themselves again.

Butler was the first to speak. "You're right, Artemis," he said. "You're absolutely right."

One by one, everyone agreed, Root last among them. "I suppose so," he said grudgingly. "But you know I'm not good at controlling my temper…"

Foaly suddenly broke out in a coughing fit, during which the word 'understatement' was clearly audible.

"Right, fine," Root said. "You know I'm really bad at controlling my temper, so don't expect me to be perfect."

"I'm not," said Artemis, more gently than he usually did. "I just want us all to try. For Holly's sake."

"I can do that," said the commander quietly. There was a long silence. Then he added brightly, "So…who's going to fly the ship?"

"Um…" said Foaly.

"Ah…" said Butler.

"Er…" said Juliet.

"Me," said Artemis.

"WHAT?" everyone chorused.

Artemis shrugged, looking slightly embarrassed. "Well…how hard can it be?"

Without a word, Juliet, Butler, Foaly and Root looked at one another, then sat down and buckled their seat belts.


	3. Chapter 3: Shuttles and Stowaways

_**Disclaimer: All characters, settings, etc. belong to Eoin Colfer…**_

**_A/N: By the way people sorry I forgot the disclaimer before, I'm so forgetful…hehe…_**

**Chapter Three: Shuttles and Stowaways**

**In the shuttle, three hours and thirty-eight minutes left**

"Okay," announced Artemis. "We're ready for takeoff. T-minus five…four…three…"

"Oh, _honestly_," snorted Root. "Can't you Mud People do anything without counting?"

"Apparently not," said Juliet from behind him. "But I'm sure Artemis lives for the day. Don't you, Artemis?"

Artemis ignored her, concentrating on figuring out the ship's controls.

It had taken a precious two minutes for the boy to convince the others that he could fly the ship. They were all still doubtful, but they had agreed once he'd told them that he'd practiced a couple times with Holly before (at her insistence, of course. What he hadn't told them was that the "practice" had been on a _Star Wars_ video game).

"Annnnd up we go!" said Foaly happily as the shuttle rose into the air.

"Finally," said Butler under his breath. Juliet caught his eye and nodded, rolling her eyes.

"Um…I don't like this…I really don't like this…AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" yelled a new voice from under Butler's seat. Surprised, the bodyguard looked down there and came up snorting with laughter. Juliet did the same.

"What's so funny?" demanded Root from the passenger's seat, twisting around to try and see what was going on. At this sight, the siblings fair roared, rolling around in their own seats. Foaly, after bending down and taking a look himself, joined in.

"WHAT IS IT?" hollered the commander. Having seen Foaly bend down, he tried to do the same himself, but only succeeded in getting a Charlie Horse in his leg.

"Ouch!" he exclaimed, flailing it around in the air. Artemis narrowly avoided being kicked several times, while Root bounced in his seat and arched his back, trying to get rid of the sharp pain. "Yowch! Gyaaah!"

The whole party was laughing uproariously now. Even Artemis was snorting a little. Butler and Juliet were leaning against each other, and Foaly was guffawing loudly. Every once in a while he would let out a whinny. This seemed to aggravate Root even more, and what little of his face wasn't already red with embarrassment and exertion quickly turned red with anger.

"DONKEY…Ow! You…gyergh….are…in…OUCH!...trouble! I WILL…OH!...fire you this time! I…AUGH!"

This last was right before he finally got rid of the cramp. He sat panting for several moments, then turned back to Foaly. "Donkey, you…"

He was interrupted by a small object rolling out from under the seat as the shuttle suddenly dipped, dived and rolled to the side. He looked down at it in some confusion. It seemed to be a small, hairy bundle. Then suddenly it unrolled itself and became a small, hairy creature whose beard was curling itself up indignantly.

"CONVICT?" shouted the commander. He then turned furiously on the rest of the group. "So THAT's what you were laughing at! Why under EARTH didn't you tell me?"

"Um, because we were laughing too hard?" said Foaly.

"Is that an excuse!"

"Yes!" said the centaur indignantly.

"NO, IT'S NOT!" roared the commander.

"Um, Julius?" said Mulch from the floor, where he was still lying.

Root turned furiously on him. "And YOU! Stowing away! I can't believe it!"

"Well, obviously you have to believe it, since I'm right here," said Mulch placidly.

"TOO BAD!" shouted the enraged commander. "I…"

He was interrupted again as the shuttle turned nose-down. Everyone hung by their seat belts, and Mulch came off the floor and hit Root in the head.

"OUCH, convict!" said the commander.

"Who's flying this thing anyway?" said Mulch. "And where's the Mud Boy?"

"You just answered your own question," said Juliet, holding on to the ceiling as well as she could.

"WHAT?" shouted the dwarf in alarm. "You mean Artemis is flying the ship?"

"Yup," said Juliet, still grimly holding on.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING, MUD BOY!" howled Foaly.

"Taking us down!" came the faint reply from the driver's seat. "We're almost there!"

"WELL, TAKE US DOWN A LITTLE MORE GENTLY!" Root bellowed.

"I can't! This thing has a mind of its own!" Artemis hollered back. "Just hold on!"

"That's what we're DOING!"

"And it's obviously not working!" yelled Mulch, flying off the ceiling, where he'd been holding on for dear life, and falling into Artemis' seat, and apparently on top of the boy.

"Ow—MULCH?"

"At your service" said the dwarf, grinning tightly and holding on to Artemis' hair.

"Ouch! Hold on to something else!"

"There's nothing else to hold on to!"

"Well, then—oops!"

No one liked the sound of that 'oops'.

"WHAT IS IT, MUD BOY?" shouted Foaly frantically.

"It's okay! I just forgot to take the wheels ou…"

Just then there was an ear-shattering CRASH! and the whole shuttle shook.

There was a long silence, then Artemis said, trying to sound bright, "Well…we're here!"

**At Fowl Manor, three hours and twenty minutes left**

After they all managed to get free of the shuttle, Artemis led the group to the Lear Jet. They all climbed aboard, and Butler took the controls ("Thank goodness!" said Root fervently, which earned him a glare from Artemis).

The commander had managed to cuff Mulch. The dwarf protested from the seat he was tied to for a while, but finally got tired of it and fell silent, except for occasional frustrated comments.

"You just don't give up, do you, Julius?" he asked bitterly after a while.

"Quiet, convict!"

"You think I can't escape?"

"Yes! Now shut that mouth of yours before I shut it for you!"

"The both of you be quiet!" hissed Artemis suddenly. He'd thought he heard a muffled squeak from the cockpit, and was listening closely to detect what it was.

"I'm telling Mommy!" came a faint but audible voice. A moment later, there was a scuffle, then a shriek. The sound of a Neutrino shot rang out in the sudden silence that followed, then a dragging sound as Butler came out, hauling two elves.

"Captain Kelp?" asked the commander, amazed. "And Corporal Kelp? What are you doing here?"

"Sorry, sir," said Trouble, looking extremely abashed. "But we…um…happened to overhear when you were discussing Holly, and we wanted to help rescue her."

"YOU wanted to help rescue her!" said Grub. "I wanted to stay home!"

"Yes," returned Trouble, annoyed, "But when I said I was going, you insisted on coming along!"

"No I didn't!"

"Yes you did!"

"NO I DIDN'T!" shrieked the small elf. Trouble rolled his eyes and opened his mouth to answer, but changed his mind and threw his hands up in disgust.

"MORE stowaways?" said the commander, annoyed. Then he sighed. "Well, I guess you'll have to help anyway, considering you're already here."

"WOW! IT'S A WORLD RECORD!" shouted Foaly, dancing past.

"What?" asked Root in confusion.

"YOU DIDN'T GET ANGRY! WHERE'S MY VIDEO CAMERA!"

"DONKEY! STOP YOUR RIDICULOUS LITTLE DANCE AND COME OVER HERE OR YOU WONT HAVE A VIDEO CAMERA _OR_ SOMETHING TO SEE IT WITH!"

"Aw, Julius," whined Foaly, "You ruined my world record!"

"I DON'T CARE A FIG ABOUT YOUR WORLD RECORD! AND DON'T CALL ME JULIUS!"

"Commander," said Artemis smoothly. "Can we please concentrate on the task at hand?"

"Which is what?"

"Getting to Agelia. Butler, we will take these two in hand. Please go back and fly the plane."

"Sorry, Artemis," Butler said, and disappeared into the cockpit again.

"Now then," continued the boy. "I don't see anything else to do with these two than to let them stay, so…"

"Unless we pitched them out the window," muttered Root. "Along with the donkey."

"So I think," said Artemis, raising his voice a little, "that we should let them help. They'll be good extras, anyway."

Root thought about it for a few moments. Finally he said, "All right, Mud Boy. You win this time."

Artemis nodded, then bent down, pretending to brush some dirt off of his loafers. Only then did he allow a grin to split his face.

_**A/N: People, I don't usually update this often…just to let you know…**_


End file.
